prayer

Thank you.

Thank you for answering whenever I ask.

When I ask to let go, then quickly, every so quickly in a flash I am able to let go. A few days, a week, and I've let.

While losing blood each month, fiery ball in the abdomen, my dreams become more vivid. I do not recall whether this was less true when I chemically modified my cycle, but know that now, slightly sleep-deprived (as often, usual, most of the time), and also when socially deprived, they are prophetic, haunting, colors - yes, I do dream in color .

And so now, having heard prophecy in fitful fiery sleep, having asked for direction as I need to do so often, having been answered and answered so swiftly and surely, having prayed in a group tonight, really, voices mixing [my student today asks: "Did you do music today?" "Yes, I make music every day." "Every day? Don't you get tired of singing?" I think for a moment. "No. No, I don't get tired of singing."], asking and smiling and crying -

And leaving tonight, knowing I am not a part of that community, am I a part of any community? Coming home to an empty home but full of ideas and a home that is a home I have made for myself, a home of growing things (intentional, most of them) and things created and things, so many many things to be created -

And knowing that this empty space is here to be filled with creation - sounds and colors and words - sounds and colors and words - were my life to consist of nothing but those, then it would be complete - and I have only to choose which to create, to manipulate and swirl together and jam against each other and wring out and perfect and whittle until they shine, until they swirl and mount higher and higher -

Because they are all an act of constant prayer, of gratitude for the amazing blessing of being able to see and hear and feel them -

Thank you.